December 9,2019 (Los Angeles, California)

If I'm traveling the southwest region of the country, and especially if I'm in the Golden State, California, I make it a priority to arrange a visit with my daughter, Hannah. I waited a little too long to give Hannah a heads up that I was near LA and would like to see her (one day warning!), but she graciously agreed. We set a time and place. We were to meet at Terroni's, a pretty good restaurant, caddy corner from her apartment building, at 6p, Tuesday evening. At the exact same time and place as the previous year (but different day me thinks), why change what works?! I'd given myself a generous time cusion to get there. Like nearly 2 hour time cusion. I was driving into the heart LA. Downtown LA. I'd be getting on and off highways as I got closer to my destination, highways with 8-10 lanes. Austin traffic is bad. LA traffic is in a catagory all of its own. I was expecting bumper to bumper traffic, and everyone more or less to be hauling ass.

Surprise (pleasant surprise!), traffic was not bad at all. The 100 mile trip went about as well as I could have wished for (LA freeway driving anxiety was held to about a 3 on a scale of 10). The early time cushion I'd assigned myself had certainly helped. It had put me just ahead of the rush hour chaos. Easing out of the last freeway exit, I was funneled into downtown LA about 2.5 hour after I'd departed Fallbrook. LOTS of busses and cars creeping along very busy pedestrian filled sidewalks and streets. Real tall, old and new, buildings bookending every street and Avenue. My GPS unit told me I was almost there and I progressed patiently, sensing I was getting close. Conveniently (and just like last year), I came upon a parking lot directly across Terroni's. I pulled in to a nice, big spot by the booth, handed the guy 10 bucks for 4 hours. It was the same lot I used last year.

Early arrival meant I had some time to kill. Hipster coffee shop "Verve" was right down the street, and I slipped in an bought a "just-a-cup" which is a small for $4.35. I was reminded again that stuff, all stuff, in California, is about 25-30% more than in Texas at its most extreme (I am not complaining!). And I sat outside and relaxed. Verve is a hangout for the superduper hip. They were everywhere, spread about the seating area, inside and out, bent over their laptops and cell phones, headphoned, grooving. Watching the vibrant LA youth gave me a good feeling. Small knots here and there who were not solely focused on screens but talking to one another were pleasing to observe. I even got the idea that they were students. UCLA students. If I'd had the chance to inquire about this I would have but none presented and I left my suspicion at that. I texted Han and she texted she'd be at Terroni's in 20 minutes.

I was waiting when Han arrived. Boy, was I happy to see her. And I showed her how happy I was to see her with a prolonged hug. She looked great! We were seated and now it was time to chat before ordering.

After general pleasantries and inquires, I began asking Hannah lots of questions about her work. I was very curious about the type of lawyering she's doing nowadays. And I learned that it primarily concerns immigrant's rights. Specifically, the rights of immigrants who have been incarcerated and are facing a real possibility of deportation. She explained the convulated, mind bending maze required to get these folks a fair and legal shake at a (constitutional rights) defense that's routinely not enforced to its fullest. Our initial interaction had been pleasant, but perfunctory. But when we began to discuss her job, I sensed a passion in her work and pride in her accomplishements. We began to talk to one another in a more relaxed and engaging manner.

When we had finished our meal and the table had been cleared, I saw an opening to do some personal communication.

I had been wanting to talk to Hannah about some personal things for a very long time. I wanted to talk about our history, such as it was, between a "father" and "daughter". I wanted to discuss some painful home truths in the open, most of it for the very first time. The elephant in the room, "the topic" specifically had to do with my significant short comings as a "father". It has, for our entire history, colored everything between us. She let me speak. And I spoke for a long time. I spoke from the heart. I acknowledged the past, genuinely taking full responsibilty. I spoke about the present, and a good deal about the future, too. I did not want to get too heavy, and I told her so. When I was done talking, I believe that my words had been genuinely appreciated. She told me so. Baby steps, tiny strides, I was after modest gains because that's all I frankly deserve. When we hugged goodbye and I watched her cross the street to her apartment building, I was exceedingly proud of Han. And very happy.